Red Penguin
by Faery Goddyss
Summary: Cartman claims an evil red penguin haunts his attic, eating the insulation. The other boys, naturally, thinks he's full of crap. So the boys head to Cartmans to find out the truth behind his far fetched tale.


**AN: **This little one shot is _completely _based off and inspired by Kinky-chichi'sSP: Disaster in the Making which is posted on her deviant art account. This is like fanfanfiction for fanart of SP.  
**Dedications: **To Kinky-chichi obviously. :) For creating such art and for more or less asking if someone could create a story for that picture.  
**Warnings: **Typical SP warnings, complete and utter silliness which is SO not like me.  
**Disclaimer: **If I owned South Park it'd be as funny as Family Guy. HA! XD  
**Title explanation:**…I was looking at one of my key chains and it's a red penguin made of cow's leather and buttons…I sorta went from there.

**Red Penguin**

"…And that's the story of the RED PENGUIN!" Cartman finished in a low haunting voice. The air around him was still and none of the boys said a thing as he turned off the flashlight that had been beaming in his face.

"That's a stupid story," Kyle's voice rang out in the darkness. He wasn't surprised when the overhead light was flicked on and the room was bathed once more in artificial lighting.

Kenny sat back down around the small circle the boys had made on Stan's bedroom floor. He took his spot next to Stan and Cartman and watched as Cartman glared at Kyle's annoyed green eyes.

"Well it's a true story Kyle!" Cartman protested.

"It's not true. It's stupid," Kyle responded lamely.

"Yeah dude, that sounds a little far fetched," Stan added, aiding his best friend.

"It isn't far fetched! I saw it!" Cartman almost yelled.

"Cartman, you did not see an evil red penguin in your attic trying to eat the insulation in your house!" Kyle said back, getting more than annoyed with the trail of conversation. "The point was to tell scary stories, not pieces of made up crap!" He turned to Kenny expectantly. "Kenny it's your turn, and make it better than his."

The blonde nodded his head, especially since he couldn't think of anything lamer than what Cartman had told them. Besides, he knew more than enough scary stories, having been the victim to most of them.

"Hey! I wasn't even done, there's a sequel!" Cartman interrupted just as Kenny was about to open his mouth.

"Which, dude, no one wants to hear," Stan calmly replied before turning back to Kenny. "Go ahead Kenny, your stories are always scary shit. I don't know where you come up with some of them."

Shrugging to himself and deciding not to tell Stan exactly where he got his ideas Kenny thought a moment about the story he was going to tell. The guys would certainly like it, but it had an edge of….well, never mind. It'd be a good tale, so nodding his head at Kyle who momentarily stood to flick off the lights he grabbed the flashlight from Cartman and illuminated his pale face.

"It started on a normal day, when a boy…let's call him Kerry, decided he'd put a little fear in the eyes of those who brought him up…"

In the darkness of the room Cartman easily tuned out Kenny's story. Half from bitterness at having his own story being held is such a low regard, and half because like Stan had just said, Kenny's stories were scary shit. A little _too _scary for his taste…not that he'd tell any of the guys that. He'd die before something like that would happen.

"Whoa…so did the boy end up killing his dad?" Stan asked breathlessly as Kenny finished his story.

Kenny shrugged and turned off the flashlight, with the overhead lightning following suit and being turned back on by Kyle. "No, he didn't kill him, he just liked the idea of making his parents think he'd kill them."

"That's awesome…" Kyle added thinking the entire story over. "But, dude, I don't get the name of the story. Orange Miasma?"

"Yeah, it's pretty lame when you think about," Cartman said dryly, coming back into the present now that Kenny was done talking.

"No lamer than Red fucking Penguin!" Kyle snapped at him.

"That is it Kyle! I will prove to you and you other assholes that the red penguin exists!"

"How?" Stan asked curiously and he noticed that Kenny was looking on in the same manner.

"Guys, don't egg him on! You know he's full of shit!" Kyle said groaning.

"I am not Kyle, and if you don't want to see the red penguin then I'll just assume that you're a chicken. Which isn't too surprising as that's the nature of Jews and all." Cartman watched with glee as Kyle clenched his mouth shut and squeezed his fists to his side.

"Fine," the redhead growled out. "Prove your stupid story has some backing."

"You're on!" Cartman stood and gestured for the other boys to do as he followed. "Like I said in my story, the red penguin lives in my attic, so we're gonna have to go there."

"But it's past ten o'clock," Kyle started. "We're supposed to be in bed. If Stan's parents wake up-"

"Dude, it'll be fine. Come on," Stan said as Cartman and Kenny were already making their way out his door. "My parents won't wake up and you know you're just as curious about what the hell fat ass is getting at. Won't it be funny to prove that the only thing in his attic is a few mice?"

Kyle sighed, "I guess," he muttered grudgingly.

With quietness only nine year old boys possessed, the four of them made their way down the stairs and out of the Marsh household without so much as eliciting a snore from Randy. They made their way casually towards Cartman's house ignoring his boasts about how he couldn't wait to laugh in their faces when they saw the devil penguin.

Upon arrival they were sure to be extra quiet as Eric took out the spare key from the bottom of the welcome mat. Pushing open the door slowly he peeked his head in, halting the other boys from going inside until he was sure the coast was clear.

"Its late lard butt, your mom's probably asleep so stop stalling!" Kyle hissed.

Cartman waved a hand in his face to hush him, "quiet!" He waited a few more minutes while the others sighed in annoyance before he allowed them inside his house.

"To get to the attic we gotta go to the second story and pull on the little hanging cord to pull down the drop stairs, but its right next to my mom's room so shut your holes on the way there!" Cartman whispered fiercely, but none of the boys really heard him as they were already making their way up to the second story. "Aye!" Cartman yelled softly. "Did you guys hear me!?"

"Yeah, yeah we heard you, hurry up and show us this damn red penguin Cartman!" Kyle demanded.

As Cartman muttered to himself he glanced around his darkened living room and grabbed an out of place pair of scissors. Holding tight to it in his meaty hands he quickly hurried to catch up with his "friends." By the time he'd reached the top they already had the stairs down and were already walking up slowly. Stopping every so often when one of the steps creaked.

Once they were all up the stairs their eyes darted around, looking for any traces of the penguin Cartman was so fearful over. After they'd scoured the place with their eyes Stan let out a long defeated sigh.

"Nothing, I knew you were making it up Cartman," he said.

"I wasn't! The little bastards just hiding and besides," Cartman responded slowly. His eyes turned upward and the other boys followed suit to see where they were aiming at. "He lives up there."

'Up there' seemed to be a little loft that was on the edge of the north side of the house. The entire area faded into a blackness that the naked eye couldn't see. The four of them exchanged looks. The attic was already dark enough without any light save the bit of illumination they got from the stairs being opened, but that entire side of the attic was completely pitch black. Which made the loft only seem that much darker.

None of them moved a muscle, but finally it was Kyle who took the first step forward, albeit hesitantly. "Well come on then, if he really lives up there we'll have to climb up and see."

"I don't know about this you guys," Kenny muttered as he squinted in the general direction of the loft. "I can barely make out the edge of that area."

"Ha! What are you_scared _Kenny?!" Cartman jeered and the blonde was quick to snap a response.

"I'm not scared! It's just…it's just dark over there is all," he ended quietly. "And besides," he added a bit louder. "What if there's like a cracked board or something? We could fall right through the ceiling!"

"Yeah right! That wont happen, you're just scared, admit it!"

"I don't see your piggy frame going over there either Cartman," Kyle pointed out.

"What did you call me?!" Cartman said already on the defensive, but before he could say anything else Stan took a few steps forward to intervene.

"Alright, knock it off you guys. Let's just get this over with okay? I want to go home and sleep," he said exasperated.

"Fine, then lead the way," Cartman dared him. Throwing him a dirty look Stan did just that, but Kenny, Kyle, and Cartman were right behind him.

It was practically walking blind. Their eyes tried to focus on something, anything, but there was nothing to focus on. Finally though, as they got closer to the loft, their eyes were able to make out the side of the wall. Stopping, Stan looked up and realized just how high up it really was. The loft was at least fourteen feet high and there were no traces of stairs to get to it

"Ergh, there's nothing to stand on here. How're we going to get up there?" Stan asked looking around.

"We can climb on each other's shoulders," Kenny mumbled after a thought. "If it's all four of us we should be able to reach the ledge."

"If that's the case then Kenny, you get to be on the top!" Cartman said, snickering for some reason.

"I don't want to be on the top, what if the red penguin gets me?" He found himself asking even though he didn't for one second believe in its existence.

"That's why I grabbed a pair of scissors," Cartman said and handed the pair to him. "To stab the thing if it comes at you. Besides, being the poorest and being the one who doesn't get that much to eat you've gotta be the lightest."

"Well you're the fattest so you're the bottom lard ass!" Kyle bit back in Kenny's defense.

"Shh! You guys!" Stan interrupted them. "I thought I heard something."

"What?" The other three looked at him, but Stan was concentrating his eyes into the overhead ledge that disappeared into the darkness. The four friends were still as they waited for whatever Stan heard to make another noise. When he shook his head signaling that maybe he didn't really hear anything he noticed that his three friends released breaths they didn't realize they were holding.

"Well lets get this going, Cartman get yourself stable. Kyle, get on his shoulders," Stan ordered.

"Why do _I _have to be next?" He whined.

"Just do it," Stan responded. He watched together with Kenny as Kyle climbed on top of Cartmans shoulders. The fatter boy grunted at the additional weight and even swayed slightly as he almost lost his footing.

"Be careful asshole!" Kyle hissed at him once Cartman had steadied himself.

"You might be lighter than me, but you're not exactly a feather Jew!" Was the expected return.

"Okay, I'm next," Stan said and with the support of the wall he carefully made his way to Kyle's shoulders with the wall and Kenny's help.

"Egh!" Cartman squeaked out.

"Ugh, God Stan you're heavier than I thought," Kyle grunted.

"Hey, muscle weighs more than fat," he said, grinning at the idea. He _was _the star quarterback. It'd be necessary for him to have some added muscle. Never mind that it could only be classified as peewee football.

"Eye! That's what I mean too, I've got more muscle!" Cartman cried out, taking deep inhales of air as he did so.

"Don't even get me started on that fat boy," Kyle muttered. "Kenny, hurry up!" he called out, looking down at the blonde boy who was looking up at them with amusement.

"You guys look so fucking funny," he muttered.

"It won't be so funny if you're hovered on the ground after I've kicked you in the nuts!" Cartman stated angrily.

"I'd like to see you try in your state," the poor boy replied as he held in his laughter.

"Kenny hurry up!" Both Stan and Kyle just about yelled in unison.

Kenny folded his arms and eyed his friends. They were swaying back and forth, while trying to grab a hold of the wall to keep them steady. It must have been about ten feet in the air.

"How exactly am I supposed to get up there?" he asked.

"Just climb up! You can use our arms and legs to brace yourself, and use the wall for support," Stan told him.

"And don't get any faggy ideas while you're climbing up on us!" Cartman added.

Disregarding Cartman's remark Kenny eyed his obstacle course carefully before nodding to himself. He shoved the handle of the scissors in his back pocket and reached out to grab a part of Cartman's shoulder, heaving himself up from the ground.

"Ah!" Cartman cried out.

"Whoa! Cartman don't move around like that!" Stan yelled from his spot.

"I can't help it!" He barked back.

Shoving his tongue out the side of his mouth in concentration Kenny scaled around Cartman's large frame, accidentally knocking the boys face with his knee as he made his way up Kyle's torso.

"Aye! You poor prick, that was my goddamn face!"

As Kenny met Kyle's face he paused and whispered something into the redhead's ear. Kyle smirked and Kenny took that as his cue to continue his way up. "Ompf!" Kyle suddenly huffed out, leaning forward slightly when Kenny's foot kicked him slightly in the stomach.

"Sorry Kyle," he mumbled as he made his way up to reach for Stan's shoulders.

"How come I didn't get a fucking apology?!" Cartman yelled at the base of the human made tower.

Still ignoring him, Kenny was pleased when Stan reached down to give him a bit of help by pulling him up and onto his shoulders. When he got to the top he grabbed a hold of the scissors from his pocket before settling himself down on Stan's shoulders. Before he did anything else, he leaned down and whispered the same thing he said to Kyle into Stan's ear. The black haired boys eyes lit up and he smirked lightly, but not enough to draw attention to himself.

Knowing things were all set, Kenny straightened his body up. "Whew!" He let out a relieved sigh. "That was cool! And whoa…it's so awesome up here! I cant even see the flooring! It's like looking down into the black abyss or something!"

"Yeah," Stan grunted out. "I didn't think this would actually work."

"What?!" Kenny cried out looking down at the guy. "But you said to just climb up!"

"Well yeah, but come on! It wasn't so bad when Kyle climbed on Cartman's shoulders, or when you helped me onto Kyle's, but you? I thought for sure we'd all go tumbling to the ground with you to break our fall!"

"Why you…" Kenny growled out and did the only damage to Stan he could do without bringing Stan's original thoughts to life. He snatched the boy's red poofed ball hat.

"Hey!" Stan cried out.

"Um excuse me!" Came a voice three stories down. Kenny glanced down, but he could barely make out Cartman. "Some of us would like you to hurry the fuck up and find the red penguin because you people aren't getting any lighter!" He yelled, but it came out in more of a panting wheeze.

"For once, I…" Kyle paused to pant out. "Agree with Cartman. Look in the loft Kenny do you see anything?"

Oh yeah, Kenny thought to himself. With the climb he'd forgotten why he was climbing up his friends in the first place. "Cartman move a little to the right. You're not close enough to the edge."

There was a loose ring of swears from the boy on the bottom, but the entire tower of them shifted…to the left.

"Jesus Christ this is crazy," Kenny heard Stan mutter.

"Your _other _right fatso!" Kenny said over Stan's voice.

"I'm not…fat…I'm big…boned," the distant and tired voice said, but he moved them all a little closer in the correct direction.

"Move closer," Kenny said as he reached out for the wall and Cartman did so. "Closer!" He said again when he realized Cartman had stopped. Again, the four of them were moved a little bit to the right. "I said closer damnit!" Kenny finally heaved out in exasperation.

With a final bit of energy they were moved right against the wall and Kenny was able to grab a hold of the ledge. He reached up a little bit and peered inside the loft. One hand was still holding Stan's red poofed ball hat, and the other was clutching the scissors. He shook his head to himself as he could clearly see what was inside the loft.

Boxes. Nothing but boxes and pink insulation against the walls. Cartman's mom was probably just using the loft as a storage unit. Kenny figured as much, either way it was still pretty cool to climb all the way up here to look.

"Do you see 'im Kenny?!" Cartman called out.

"No, I don't see anything," he responded as he looked over everything once more. Yup, there definitely were no red penguins. "Wait," he paused and peered at something in the darkness.

"Wh-what is it?" Kyle's voice called out. His tone was a little nervous.

"Ahh!" Kenny yelled out and pushed away from the ledge of the loft. "Get me down from here, get me down from here!"

"What?! What?!" Cartman was crying out frantically.

"Wow…" Stan muttered as his eyes glanced up.

"Oh my God!" Kyle whispered as his own eyes were directed upward.

"No, no, no, this thing's too close to me! I want to get down!" Kenny said as he started to thrash slightly to be released.

"What's going on up there?" Cartman demanded to know. But he was scared out of his mind and because of all the weight from the guys he wasn't able to look up and see what they were seeing. But he didn't really need to look up, he knew what they were coming face to face with. "And stop bucking around asshole!"

"Crap, Kenny, stop moving so much!" Kyle added when he realized they were swaying pretty badly.

Only Kenny didn't realize how much until he was almost falling off himself, and by that time the loft was completely out of his mind as his eyes landed on the scissors he still had clutched in his hand. 'Not again,' he thought with realization. A second later all four of them went tumbling off one another landing painfully on the wooden boards of the attic flooring.

There were groans elicited from each one of them and when Kenny opened his eyes again, as he had shut them, he realized he was still alive. Letting out a relieved sigh he glanced around at the others to access their damage. Kyle looked a little on the dead side, but alive, and Stan was rubbing his back. It was Cartman who looked the worst, being the cushion for their fall. But even he looked fine, more or less, and he was the first one to gain his wits. Prying open his eyes he crawled over to Kenny and grabbed the boy by the shoulders shaking him fiercely.

"Did you see him? Was it the red penguin?!" He demanded to know.

Remembering the loft, Kenny's face suddenly dawned one of horror. Looking at the panicked face Cartman turned his attention to Stan and Kyle who were studying Kenny, before their own frightened looks popped on their faces.

"You guys saw him didn't you?! His black beady eyes…his red waxy skin…"

They weren't quite sure who was the first to crack, but there was an abrupt round of laughter from Kenny, Stan, and Kyle. Cartman looked at the lot of them in confusion, something dawning on him.

"You didn't see anything did you?" He asked vehemently.

Kenny shook his head as he kept laughing.

"But, but your faces…" Cartman began slowly.

"Oh man, Kenny told us to act all scared when he pretended to see something up there while he climbed up us," Stan laughed out.

"What?!"

"Yeah dude, the _only_thing up there is a bunch of dirty old boxes," Kenny said as his laughter eased. It might have waned, but his smile stayed plastered on his face.

"I hate you guys," Cartman muttered as he watched his friends stand up and dust themselves off.

"Man you should have seen your face Cartman," Kyle said grinning before his face fell and he snorted. "Red penguin my ass. Ugh, lets go back to Stan's house I'm tired dude."

Wiping the fake tears from his face Kenny nodded in agreement, as did Stan. Walking past Cartman they made their way toward the stairs. Everything was far easier to see having been in the darkness so long, which made things considerably less scary.

"Let's go dude, there's no way your mom is still awake from all that yelling and laughter," Stan mentioned as they got to the first stair. He smirked slightly and held in his laugh. They really ought to be getting back to his place before his parents realized they were all gone.

"You assholes think you're so funny," Cartman said to himself as the three of them started to head back down the stairs without waiting for him. Standing up, he walked over and approached them himself before he stopped and turned to glance once more at the darkened loft that was just explored. He narrowed his eyes at the area, squinting into the darkness and suddenly he let out a loud piercing holler.

As quick as his big frame could muster he turned on his heel and fled down the stairs shouting, "you guys! You guys!"

While he did so the little being that had caught Cartman's attention stared after him. The little red penguin frowned to himself, wondering what those boys had been up to. He'd been sleeping behind his favorite box when their loud noises woke him up. But deciding he didn't care he turned and waddled to the nearest wall. He planted himself down and reached out to grab a bit of his dinner for the evening. There really was nothing like the light and fluffy taste of insulation.

.The End

**AN: **That story had some substance until the end there. XD Anyway given its…content I hope it was still _somewhat _enjoyable chichi! - FG


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